insomnis_veritas | there's a countdown for all.

[ a continuance for this. ]

Did I plan on going against it...?

[ He's not mocking but truly musing, and the thought makes him wonder. ]

It depended, actually. On what Dai did next.

[ A name said as if there almost wasn't any trauma attached. ]

He was interesting, Max. I would have done much and many to maintain that interest.

[She'd had a feeling that much was true the day he allowed himself to cry in her arms. That he would do about anything to keep Dai's interest, even though Max had not seen the two of them together, it was clear in his reaction to being separated.]

Why?

[Because she doesn't get it, and finally wants to know what exactly it was between them that drew Albedo's affections so strongly.]

Why did you like him so much?

[ He's quiet for a long moment. ]

...If I explained, could you understand? For all of our similarities, we are different, you and I. We hold different things high as a focus, as importance. If I dropped all brevity and told you that there, at the very beginning, I had the power to leave still if I wished, and it was Dai and he alone that made my wish change to staying, could you understand why? Could you understand the draw of a place that was tearing itself apart, and the person who stood as the fulcrum of its salvation and destruction at once?

Can you understand, Max? How he was the only one who was truthful with me from the start--who claimed nothing but a mutual using without any lies of affection. Who was interested in me for my irregularities, instead of despising me for them. Who was confident that I could sway his past self, confident that I could do whatever I chose to.

He and I were alike.

[ The last word is spoken heavily, as if it meant everything. Two predators, creatures shaped and created for a purpose, in worlds full of sheep. Yes, that... That unity. It meant something. It meant all. ]

No.

[It's a quick, grumpy answer. She doesn't want to understand, or believe that Dai could have been any sort of beacon or influence for Albedo, because then she would have to admit those two were alike.

But grudgingly, she feels she has to offer more.]

And yes.

[Max sighs, and won't say more as to why. They both know what it is to be treated as something less, or even something more, and she can understand his pleasure in being adored for his differences. It's similar to how she feels for being seen as a person first, rather than an anomaly or a pair of wings. She can see how that would make Dai a special person.]

But I don't have to like it.

[ It's almost funny. And there's a sound of amusement, quick and soft, before he speaks again. ]

You don't. You don't have to like anything about me, really.

I was going to help him kill Caim again, probably.

[Oh. Well then.

Dai and Caim. Between the two, Caim hadn't creeped her out nearly as much. He'd been kind, almost, and warned her in his subtle way not to give anything to Dai. She can appreciate that sort of warning.

On the other hand, she has no attachment. So while Albedo's confession hasn't given her any good feelings, she is curious.]

I know I don't have to. I do anyway.

[It's said so abruptly, so matter-of-factly, that there's hardly room for discussion before Max is on him again.]

Why'd you want to kill him?

[ Say such a statement so blatantly, Maximum Ride.~ If they were tracing any other subject, he would tease her. As it is, he accepts it without silence. He doesn't fight her words.

Instead-- ]

I have to want to kill him. I would possibly like him, given time. He's amusing in ways.

[ But Caim was nothing to Albedo now. And that meant everything. ]

But Dai wants to kill him again. He wants him dead, in a way I can understand. Dai loves Caim, more than anything, but when you're torn from something fragile, a hate rises up, as sharp and shattered as your love, and that's what's here.

[ I know that situation. The words are obvious and unsaid. ]

So Dai will kill him and take Caim's power, and that world will continue, without missing any of its elemental forces. It's about love, though, you see? Only by giving into hate, is it possible to try to get rid of that poison--

[ He snarls the word without meaning to. This isn't what he wanted to say. ]

...It's always about love, Max. It's always love.

Edited 2013-01-18 05:04 (UTC)

Is that it?

[As far as she has seen, it was always power. Power and change that drove people, some sick thing inside them that hungered for more. A desire to better things by their own view.

It was what she fought against. It was what dragged her life through a storm. Yet, she and Albedo probably knew different types of people. His brothers had been his world, if she heard things correctly. Hers had been other things.

As well as...the children. Fang. Ari's demented love. Max shakes her head. Her life is too short to contemplate those things.]

Where's your love in all this? [There's a pause; a line she doesn't so much cross as leap over.] Is it for Dai?

[ He outright laughs to her question, and it's harsh; too emotional for humor. ]

My love? Hmm~

[ It was nowhere near the place she had touched on. ]

I'll admit entirely, that any longer with Dai and I would have became infatuated with the man to no end. I would have liked begged at his feet, until there was no longer any change to inspire.

[ He doesn't expand on the last part-- Instead shifts, and answers her fully. ]

My love, Maximum Ride, has always been synonymous with pain. It's not an indulgence or dramatics; it's simply what is, and if what you're really asking, dear angel, is what drives me, that I'd have to eat my words in part.

[ There's something sick in the smile he wears, and it carries to tone easily. ]

Death, darling. Though likely not what you'd assume.

[She considers that, giving only a noncommittal 'hmm' for a moment. She's trying to kick the habit of assumption around him. Hard, when habit is a lifesaver, but that's other people. Not this child.

Besides that, too, she thinks she should have gotten used to talks like this by now, yet Max shudders, disturbed by his laugh, his tone, all of it. He was wrong to fear before. She doesn't think she'll ever fully grow used to all of him.]

I'll keep an ear out for the l-word, then.

[A touch of sarcasm, the thing that guards her, keeps her from seeming afraid.]

What kind of death are we talkin', here?

[ She's the epitome of unaffected, and for that, he thinks it might be opposite. Either way, her nonchalance is mildly grounding, and he wonders--

Wonders. If he states the truth, would she.... ]

...My own, Maximum Ride.

Your death...

[It sounds like she's slowly putting two and two together. Puzzles aren't a mutual skill between them, but he must be rubbing off on her a little because after a beat she goes on.]

It's your death that drives you.

[She hopes she's wrong. He can't be such a hypocrite, he can't demand so much from her and throw himself away-]

Is that what you mean?

[ There is a beat, small and empty. He responds in a tone too bland for comfort. ]

You're correct.

[There's a long stretch of nothing from her. Not even breathing or any such movement, because it feels like he's just punched her very solidly in the gut. When her voice returns, it's weighted.]

You can't.

[The shock falls away, replaced by fury.]

You can't do that! You can't chase down death when you--when I-- [She doesn't have the words. What she's said so far has been nearly incoherent already, having poured out so quickly and with such heat.]

It's bullcrap!

[ To heat, to fire, Albedo has always been ice. Lightning and frost, to counter a storm.

And here, he gives nothing. Nothing in tones at all. ]

...You're correct again. Right now, in this place, I can't. Because nothing in this world, or the one we were in before, can kill me.

[So there is something. How sacred a secret is this that she's never heard of it before?]

What? Who?

[If it's something she can stop, or destroy, maybe punt him out of the way if the Door ever lets them leave and head into his world to prevent him from-]

Tell me.

[ Tell her. Tell her the complexities of his being.

If he tells her, who can kill him, should he add what he has planned? Should he explicate on the methods used, to gain that death, by that most loved hand?

His voice drops without meaning to. ]

...My twin.

[The one who abandoned him. She doesn't have to ask, it's all come together over time, like each vague secret falling into place. Now the only question is...]

But you can't die.

[It's said flatly, because it's the one thing she hopes she can hold onto. Like he'll turn around and realize, oh, that's right, nevermind.]

[ He giggles.

Once, a beat and cut off, but it's telling, oh so telling. He's unhinging, more and more, and in this, this subject, this method, these motives--

The boy shakes, shivers, and his voice speeds up, though he's unaware. ]

And now you're wrong. I couldn't die; I couldn't die at all! No, I couldn't, but now....~

[ The trail off is in sing-song, but more creepy than his usual mocking intonations. A child's loss; an immortal's lack.

He gains back his voice's level tones, though the instability still shows. ]

I touched a power no one could hold. Gained more than any other in existence. And lost that immunity. For now--

[ He inhales too fast; nearly chokes. ]

There is one thing. One thing only, made to destroy that power.

[Her thoughts drive at an impossible pace. Everything he's ever revealed of himself; it amounts to this? Scientists creating children not for shits and giggles, but to fight something, something that had fused itself with Albedo, whose immortality was compromised by some power his brother was designed to destroy-

A loophole. Albedo always spoke of some plan he had back home, and Max's mind is reeling.]

You were made in a lab. [Said slowly, quietly, as the last few pieces fall in place.] They were trying to make a weapon to fight that thing that got inside you. And your brother...

[It was too crazy. Her chest hurt. How could he do this? When Max speaks again, she sounds angry.]

Is that it?

[ Made in a lab, failed as an experiment. Born back to back to the one most loved, then torn asunder-- Designer children, biological weapons, clones upon genetically modified clones. Six hundred and sixty nine of them (they had stopped at Nigredo; Albedo would always, forever wonder-- if baby brother was the thing they had been looking for-- the only one of them that didn't react to U-DO's waves--), and most of them failed products or Standards, and in the end, the end-- ]

I wanted this!

[ The yell comes more forcefully than any would probably have thought. Albedo cracked and mentally compromised is a slicker and sleeker creature, dangerous fully, but outbursts? Only around family, and even then--

Ah, perhaps. It is only that she is rubbing off on him. ]

I wanted to give Rubedo the chance to kill me! I want to die!

[She can't even summon a word in response to him. It isn't as though she's unfamiliar with suicidal children; a kid couldn't grow up in a place like the School and be unfamiliar with a longing for death on some level. But he's crazy. Literally, irrevocably insane. There's a difference between a sick and maimed child lying down to die and someone like Albedo searching for it.

The connection breaks, and the communicator is shoved in her pocket. Hands fist in her hair at the temples, brush through it restlessly. What he's said is much more disturbing than some cruel fake of a ghost, and Max finds herself rushing from the house with a fire in her step, because it doesn't matter that he's immortal. He's alone somewhere.

Somewhere outside the house, she discovers quickly, curled against the wall with a terrible air around him.]

You!

[It takes no thinking, obviously, as someone with a functioning brain would do otherwise, as she strides forward, hand outstretched to snatch the shoulder of his shirt and yank him to his feet, her panic masked behind anger.]

What is wrong with you?

[ What is wrong with you? ]

Everything!

[ The child snaps, spits out the words with abandon, eyes wide and rolling. His hands clutch at her hand, the hand holds him, clinging to it despite everything.

And despite everything, there is not the easy insanity in his gaze, the affordable sight that could write off this whole encounter. There is something unhinged, yes, but still near-perfect sanity, the complete and perfect realization of one in complete control of their mind and self. Their words.

Albedo clings to her hand, nails lightly digging, expression crumbling. ]

You said it...!

[ She had told him, in a time long since past, the first time they had crossed paths--had warred and fought, spilled blood and truths. ]

What am I?! Time spent, time wasted, time eternal! How bleak!

[ The words are a perfect recall, something burned into his bones the second they were uttered. ]

And you said my very wish! You hoped as well that I would find the person that could kill me!

[ It is cruel, even as he doesn't mean it to be. He wishes only for her understanding in his desperation, but those words were uttered by a girl not in full control of herself. Prioritizing destruction instead of life itself.

Those words, though... They should be remembered. It was those words that had pushed the uncaring entity into a basic attack, throwing her off of him and away, when her killing him had not.

Those words had affected, where nothing else had touched. She had spoken more perfectly than any would ever say, and she understood more than his brothers ever would.

Speak of time eternal, and he would know breaking--hell was the knowledge that he would continue endlessly while all others faded away. Hell was being a sensitive child and digging graves to mourn your siblings' losses before their deaths, so you wouldn't break when they did. Hell was but eternity, spanning out and forever, a million possibilities, endless and everything, and Albedo alone. Forever cut off from all those that truly lived.

That was the truth, and he would have called otherwise. Would have claimed ascension at his root--called out to his metaphorical wings burning as he flew too close to the sun. Albedo had fallen, and he knew ascension well.

But that child, alone and lost, had never truly died. No, not at all. It laid, trembling and tearful, within his breast, and this girl, this perfect girl, had unearthed his greatest want and most terrible fear. ]

[The scowl disappears in the span of a blink, replaced by wide eyes and an open mouth. Her grip shakes, loosens, yet holds, skin burning under his nails.]

I...I never...!

[But she had. Those exact words had been whispered into his ear all that time ago when she first saw his face and tried to destroy everything that he was. And Albedo's infuriating refusal to die had caused it.

No, that wasn't right; the mist caused it, and the creature that had straddled him and scavenged for his blood said all those things. With her voice. Having it all held against her now is a hard blow to take, especially when coupled with the look in his eyes, as if he's been thinking it all along, every time he's ever glanced at her and had those works echoing somewhere in the back of his mind.]

You know that wasn't me, how can you throw it back in my face? Of course I don't want anyone to kill you!

[She's told him before: I don't think you're a waste. But there's only so much she can deny. He is time eternal, and it is a bleak prospect. Max isn't so driven by bare hope that she can pretend it's a good thing. Even so...]

And you can't go looking for it, either. I don't care what you want. I'll chain you down somewhere before I let you go chasing down your own suicide!

[Not him, not Albedo, whose presence she's come to take for granted, whose voice and steps and breathing patterns she's become finely tuned into and can pick from a crowd with her eyes shut. He's unstable, unpredictable, dangerous, and hers; her friend, her companion, the one who has her back, who she knows, somewhere deep down, will be there in an instant if she needs him. His unwavering position at her side trumps even Fang's inconstant loyalty. Consciously she can never put these things into words. All she can do is strongarm and threaten and manhandle. Pleading and appealing are too far from her nature. So while she won't beg, she'll happily fight him on this decision.]

What do you think you can do?!

[ And there's desperation now, desperation and want and fear, because, because--

Oh, give him a reason. Please give him a reason. ]

Do you think you can stop me?! You can't even get home! Do you want me to be miserable forever?!

[ Because, because--

That is the truth, despite all things. ]

Do you want me to live forever--to exist--

[ The word is hated, spit out. ]

--With no chance of truly being alive?! I don't have anything! I don't belong anywhere! I'm nothing!

[ This is the core of one who would affect confidence. This is the core of one tainted by a god. Albedo, who knows he was a mistake from the start, the fact no one saw fit to hide, whose brothers betrayed and abandoned him, and whose life has been a hollow shell from the start--

His only wish is to cease to be. ]

Yes!

[To what, at first, is hard to say: that she expects to stop him, that he should have to go on living and being miserable and outcast and confused. Even she doesn't know exactly what she means, but the word bursts from her with fury, and her hands clutch harshly at his small arms.]

If you were nothing, you wouldn't be standing here! That's not what nothing means! You have all this time you could do something with, and I--

[Her cheeks are flushed now, and she's embarrassed by her own outburst, but unable to stop it. Max also feels some guilt in attacking Albedo when he's already so hurt; it isn't fair for her to assume what she'd do or how she'd feel if she had to face an eternity of living without her loved ones. Her exaggerated sense of right and wrong, however, has overcome actual thought.]

I'd kill for a scrap of the time you have! I'd do something with it! Something good.

[ The words ring in his skull, and echo hollowly. Of all of the arguments to be chosen, right and wrong, good and evil, are likely the worst. The ones least able to affect, least able to cause meaning.

That's not what nothing means!

She is so wrong.

Albedo laughs then, the broken sound of mourning curdling up from his throat to burst out in a rush, growing to something frantic and amused, and he feels the taint coiling upward at the pain, his own, at the wording, hers, and Albedo allows it.

He closes his eyes and goes limp, hands dropping from hers.

When they open, there exists a florescent glow to match the mad grin. ]

Something good, is it? Have you forgotten that I am the villain, Maximum Ride? That I was the one who spoke of wolves and sheep?

[ It's a ridiculous contradiction, the demeanor shone now to the one that existed only moments prior.

It's a way to escape, to hide, and Albedo relishes it. ]

I'd rather spend my time unshackling humanity from their weak ideas of culture, deconstructing their methods of civilization. If you'd like me to do something with my time--

[ And the word is hissed out. ]

--Perhaps I should spend my days destroying everything I see as false. Ah, but--

[ The rant pauses; he views her carefully. Smiles smugly. ]

I'd be destroying myself in the end as well, wouldn't I? For regardless of your beliefs, darling, I am nothing but a lost cause waiting for an end.

[That bright glow is turned on her, violet and dangerous, and she remembers a boulder smashed to nothing, a bright force that shoved her away, and Max flinches, wide-eyed. She can tell then that he's on the verge of something, of a breakdown or savagery, and while she can't determine the more likely outcome she knows it has to be cut off before it can burst from him.

He's let go of her hand, and it's just as well. It must be instinct that draws her arm far back, that causes her to snarl, teeth bared, and bring her open palm around in a powerful arch to make contact with the side of his face. At the same time her other hand grabs the front of his shirt lest he stumble backward, because she isn't done. He has to stay and look at her, face her as her fight response kicks in and pushes her to strike him with anger and, while she won't admit it, a touch of fear.

Riding on the heels of the resounding 'crack' her strike will make is Max shouting, furious and nearly shaking with adrenaline. She knows it's dumb, knows it's against self-preservation to push at him when he's already teetering, but calculating thought is so rarely what drives her.]

Shut up! Shut up! You don't have to be a villian, Albedo; it's not like the universe decides!

[And it's terrible, the pain in her chest, because for the briefest second she sees Ari in him again, tangled up in pain and hatred and loss, needing something to draw him back to sense. And it had been at the end, when it was too late. Max didn't think she could watch Albedo do the same; destroy himself until the end, when there was no time left to turn back.]

And if you're such a lost cause, why do you bother with me when I'm the good guy? Stop being so above it all and open your damn eyes. You have a choice!

[ His careful baiting is taken, absorbed, swallowed down in absolutely the most perfect way-- She turns to violence, then, to expressing herself through pain, and he had thought it before--laid it within his mind before--how much she is like Rubedo at times, how blindingly, beautifully, destructively, she shines, she destroys, oh look how she burns.

And Albedo is ice.

His cheek stings and she is still yelling at him, holding him up, holding him to her, and he could lash out, he could let go, he could let up, destroy her, destroy himself-- He could crumble into nothing and break into tears, but he wants--and here is the strange truth of it, Albedo wanting--he wants her to understand, wants her to know him even if she cannot accept it; Albedo wants her to see him.

Past the bravado and the dramatics, past the differences of opinion and culture, past the contaminated subject of black of white. Past her view of good and his of evil, past humanity and angels and devils.

Albedo does nothing in response. He waits until she's blown herself out before he speaks, perfectly still and sane, lacking all reactions of before.

Violence prompts many a thing, and to Albedo, it only speaks in truth. ]

Listen to me.

[ A quiet, low voice, calm and succinct, nothing that should come from a twelve-year-old. ]

I decided.

[ And he smiles then, a beat and only, almost kindly. ]

I decided it. I was given the role and I accepted it with everything that I am. I'm lonely. You know that. And in that choice, there was a way for me not to be alone. You understand that.

[ He knows that she does, even if she doesn't want to. ]

I "bother" with you, because you are precious to me. Because when I'm with you, I don't have to think about my brothers or never dying. I don't have to be alone.

[Precious.

That word carries weight with it, and a dolor drags behind, so heavy that it brings her shoulders slowly to slump and her fingers to finally release him.

Is that what stays his hand when she shouts and shakes him and argues? Is it that he sees no use in wasting his power on stifling an angry girl, or because he finds her dear, precious, and would rather put up with her outbursts than be without?

Max cannot so easily say such things. She can't tell him that is also why she stays and can not let him hurt himself, and why...]

Me?

[It comes out coarsely, because even if he has not necessarily said so, even if he doesn't realize what he's said, her mind is working. He wants evil, and destruction, just as Ari had wanted to hurt and hate. And it is possible that she cannot understand Albedo, after all, but that it is Rubedo, who had failed to love, that she can relate to.

But if he doesn't have to think about those things so long as she's around... It comes down to a simple equation, really. It's her or death, and as daunting as the thought is, she will take responsibility for Albedo a thousand times over. She will choose despite her Flock, as she has before, because she won't sit around the rest of her life wondering if he had done it. She won't face coming to a city like this again someday without having him there to greet her.]

Then-

[She squares her shoulders to appear strong again, as well as to fend off argument.]

Then stay with me. I've kind of got this big project at home, you know? And I could use someone who...who knows stuff.

[She turns her head away, unable to face the mockery or distaste that might come across his face, and she shrugs as if it were no big deal, as if she weren't returning his feelings in a roundabout way because she can't find the words.]

You woudn't be alone. I'd keep you busy.

[I'd take care of you.]

[ She releases him from her hold, and Albedo straightens on his feet. Listens to her formulate her words and offer up an excuse, and for a brief, fleeting moment, Albedo feels something close to sorrow, something much like apology. Nothing to be said, and yet--

He grins, bitterly, attempting for lightness. ]

You seek to bring me home with you? I don't think that's how it works. We're thrown about the worlds, and if we find ourselves lucky enough to return to whence we came, we go it alone.

[ It's simple, really, to Albedo at least. A homeworld is only fit for its denizens. There was a reason that Nuadoria's core had treated them like a virus, an illness. The city, that world, hadn't wanted them there. The Magisters basically claimed the same.

Regardless. This is an excuse. He will do her the respect of the truth. ]

I have... things to do where I came from as well. Eventually. When the time comes. If we're able to return at some point, I need to go back.

[So it would be death, then. She grits her teeth, and just as quickly as the anger had vanished it makes a reappearance.

She knows he's probably right, and that even if he wants to it isn't likely they can choose where they went once they're granted passage home. But it still hurts, and she reacts the only way she can: with a petty attempt to hurt him back.]

Fine, then.

[Her head whips back towards him, teeth bared in a snarl.]

Do what you want. See if I care!

[The final word is punctuated with a harsh ramming of her shoulder into his as she shoves passed Albedo and away from the house. It's not much, and she doesn't expect him to be fazed, but it's the only way she can express the sting he's delivered without sacrificing her pride.]

[ He accepts her reaction as it is, lets her slam past and away before raising his voice so she can hear. ]

You leave so easily. Perhaps this is something I should remember.

[ Away from this place, from all cities and worlds that they have been shoved in--those conversations are off-limits. Their own "homes," their respective worlds--those are places they will return to separately.

Albedo only cares about now. About these worlds and these cities and these places and this girl. If it was otherwise, he would spend his days trying to get back, and from the start, from when he originally met Dai, Albedo had viewed this as an escape.

And it was one. It was an escape from a fate that was determined. An escape that would eventually end. But it hadn't yet. Not yet.

And she needed to understand that somehow. ]

[She stops as if he's struck her, and hates how childishly galled by the unfairness of it she is. Max raises her voice, as well, though more than is necessary.]

At least I always come back.

[Turning back towards him, taking a few more steps backwards, away, she has to stop. She can't understand--at least not yet--but wants desperately to wrap her mind around something that she can settle with. Something other than impending loss.]

I'm not the one who's going to someday just never come back, and leave the other person thinking about that for the rest of their life!

[Her voice becomes higher, if less loud, and it's embarrassing, and why she wants to leave: to spare him the pathetic sight of her not only upset, but wounded. Because, grudgingly, she has too much respect for Albedo to want to let him see her so completely worked up.]

You'll get, what, a few hours of me being gone? That sure compares to someone you care about being--! [She kicks a small stone in no particular direction, furious.] Oh, forget it! What difference does it make?

there's a countdown for all.

and separately--

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...I feel like moving this to [action] at some point....

[action] oh here you go~

<333

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